In Part 1, Tariq Nasheed gave us the scoop on his new documentary, his thoughts on Tyler Perry and why integration wasn’t a good thing for the black community. Part 2 finds the author and lecturer dropping knowledge on male/female relationships, independent women and how to step your game up–today.
The Well Versed: You’ve been doing the podcast for a while now and lot of people should be familiar with it, but are you still getting hostility from people because of the title? Particularly from the women?
Tariq Nasheed: I used to. Now, women respect the game a lot. They see where I’m coming from and they respect the truth. A lot of dudes think they’re going to get brownie points for telling women what they want to hear. Women will turn on that if you’re not being genuine. It’s all about respect. We want to be liked too much. Being liked is overrated. I don’t give a damn about being liked. I’m going to keep it 100. Being liked is optional, but you’re definitely going to respect me.
TWV: The respect factor seems to have fallen by the wayside and I know you’ve gotten on the brothers about not respecting women. Have you surprised a lot of women with your stance?
TN: Women come to my lectures and even to this day say “I heard all this crazy stuff about you and it’s nothing like what I imagined.” The thing is, a lot of women who like broken men, they might have a problem. All that, “I hate him because he’s a Mack.” That’s a smokescreen. What I do is upgrade these guys’ game. When a guy’s game is upgraded, a woman will have to upgrade. She can’t be lazy or lackluster. Some women are cool with that, some are not. For the lackluster woman, this is their heyday right now. There are a lot of men catering to lackluster women. But there are women who want more out of life. The women like that respect what I do.
TWV: You talk a lot about the independent woman in your show. Do you feel that there’s a balancing act that has to be done between being an independent woman and keeping a man or do you think that a lot of these women are single because they’re just not very nice?
TN: We try to flip a negative into a positive in our community. We say, “I’m keeping it real” which means I’m broke. Guys look at going to jail for ten years as a badge of honor.
Women who can’t get a man or don’t have the mentality to keep a man, they say “I can’t keep a man because I want to be independent.” That’s not a badge of honor and they know this and try to make it seem cool. No woman wants to be in and out of relationships all her life. We need to stop giving props to the independent woman.
TWV: Is it so much the idea that women can’t do things for themselves or that there are women out there trying to beat folks over the heads with their success?
TN: The thing is a lot of women aren’t “successful” women like that. The image that there are a bunch of successful women sitting at home counting money all day is a myth. I’m not saying that women aren’t out there with cool jobs and careers. But this whole ideology that women are doing so well that they can’t find a guy that’s “on their level”—that’s garbage. That’s nonsense. They have cool jobs, but by definition if you have a job, you’re not wealthy. We have to call these terms out and talk real and find out why these women aren’t in relationships. These women aren’t in relationships because they haven’t been taught how to be in relationships. A lot of mothers tell women do this in case a man leaves you. Other mothers tell daughters, do this so you can please a man or keep a husband. We need to teach women how to deal with men.
TWV: One of the things that I hear a lot of from women and I’m sure you do too is that men are intimidated by a successful woman. Is that something you’re hearing from the guys?
TN: I’ve never in my life heard a guy say, “I’m not with that woman because her success scares the shit out of me.” A dusty dude will holler at anything. They’ll holler at Oprah. Dudes aren’t afraid of success, that’s just a smokescreen: “I was too much woman for him and he couldn’t handle me.”
TWV: I have a female friend that listens to the show from time to time and wanted to get your opinion on the “sexually free” woman who feels like casual sex is okay.
TN: A “sexually free” woman?
TN: Oh you mean sluts? That’s the independent woman thing that I’ve talked about on my show before. What it boils down to is “I can have sex with anybody like men do.” The thing is with a woman, when you place value on sex—any woman can get sex. The most raggedy woman can get sex. If you can get cats to come out of the pocket and get your money on, that’s where I can pop my collar.
I don’t knock a woman who can attract the best male—that’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re going to get somebody that’s a reflection of you. If you’re bragging about how much sex you can get and how many dudes are trying to get at you, that’s the definition of a hood rat. Rats are rodents who mate all the time and having a bunch of little rats. That’s what a lot of women are doing. Out here banging for nothing, having babies for nothing not getting paper and being content with that. You’ve gotta upgrade your game if you’re going to be a woman.
And I blame the men for that too for not upgrading the woman. I’m hard on these dudes to because they enable the rat mentality.
TWV: In the younger days—particularly the college days a lot of guys are trying to get it in too…
TN: And we have a generation of moist dudes. They don’t understand manhood. Men dropped the ball and left other men out in the cold. Back in the day, men just laced young dudes with game; you didn’t have to be related to him. They just pulled you to the side and laced a young dude with game. This generation didn’t have that. We gotta get their minds right. That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to do this documentary.
TWV: I wanted to give you to speak on a book you just bought the rights to and re-released, “Black Players.”
TN: It’s a book I read back in the day, it’s about the pimp game. A lot of people have a negative mentality about the pimp game, but what I liked was that the book broke down man-woman relationship on the street level. The pimping thing is a metaphor, but that’s what I wanted people to get out of the book—it didn’t cater to the stereotypes about pimps. Back in the Blaxploitation era, pimps were like clowns. This book showed real intelligent brothers coming off like philosophers.
TWV: For men and women that want to step their game up, what’s the first thing you tell them to do?
TN: You’ve gotta have confidence. Also, you have to be willing to stop doing things that have not worked for you. A lot of us get into a zone and get comfortable doing things wrong. We’ve gotta get rid of those old habits first so we can learn new things. Get rid of all the baggage and be willing to listen and learn from somebody. There’s nothing wrong with having a mentor.
For more on Tariq Nasheed and to check out his podcast, click here.