I have a confession: I’ve never thought about why I’ve entered into a committed relationship. And by never, I’m talking about serious thought. Sure, there was some rationale going on in my head (i.e. “She’s cool.”) but never any serious, grown ass man thinking. Even my marriage was entered into haphazardly and—to put it in the best possible terms—was a fool’s errand. One that I paid for with… nevermind, this isn’t about that.
As the saying goes, when you are a child, you think as a child. Being on the other side of my 20s, you see the world a little differently. And for the first time in life, I gave some serious thought to commitment. Here are five reasons why I did it.
1) The pros of good, healthy love >The pros of single life
I think many of us spend so much time talking about what we want and don’t want, that it’s difficult to see the forest through the trees. Two months ago, I could give you a laundry list of the qualities I wanted in a woman and a list of things that would make me not give her the time of day. And then I realized—after one revealing New Year’s Day text and some contemplation—that I had everything I said I wanted with the woman I’d been sleeping on.
People ask why and there’s the answer: I found everything I said I wanted—in one happy, healthy, uncompromising package. Which brings me to…
2) Casual sex ain’t as fun as it used to be.
In a moment of unintentional wisdom, one of the twins from Jagged Edge crooned “cause making love to just anyone ain’t happening” on “Let’s Get Married.” File this under the ‘lines from a song that I understood but didn’t really understand.” Casual actions have life-long consequences. I have one too many associates tied to people for life that they don’t really like. Kids are real.
3) I met a wonderful, amazing woman.
See number one would kinda make this list four points instead of five. To clarify, I met said amazing woman back in undergrad. Just took me a moment to realize we weregood great for each other. “Better late than never, but never late is better” like Aubrey rapped. Never too late to get it right.
4) Committed kink > casual sex.
For obvious reasons, I’m not going to elaborate too much on this. Any grown person not waiting for marriage knows that you can be yourself (or should be able to) with your partner. I’ll leave it at that.
5) One high quality woman > 100 average (or worse) women.
Allow me a moment to make a brief dating flow chart: Man meets woman -> man likes woman -> man spends time and gets to know woman -> man and woman develop some type of bond -> problems arise -> man and woman part ways -> man celebrates ->Wash/Rinse/Repeat.
Dating sucks. And for lack of a better term this is the relationship or pseudo-relationship life style. You break up with somebody and hop right back in the game. At some point in time the hunt is just no longer what is used to be. There are a lot of lame people out there and having to wade through a list of 7s in hopes of an 8 or better is maddening.
I value my sanity.
It’s not the most romantic list, but it’s a real list. And sometimes this is as much about being honest with yourself, what you want and what you need as it is about Disney style romance. There are no glass slippers, no slayed dragons or big bad wolves. Love is enough.
And did I mention I value my sanity?