I usually don’t use this space to write about personal things, but I’ve been going through a writers block as of late. If I can’t pen articles, I lose a bit of income—and that just can’t happen. In attempt to get my groove back (word to Stella), I’m going to try my hand at transferring the many random thoughts in my head to paper.
I read a blog this evening that covered the fine art of the break up. The writer—someone who holds an extra special place with me—lamented having to kick a good dude to the curb because hurting feelings, well, it sucks and nobody likes to do it:
“I have a confession – I have a really hard time breaking up with a guy. I’m absolutely horrible at it. Mostly because I always feel like a jerk, and a bad guy, even when I’m not.”
Granted, I have a kind and compassion soul most of the time on occasion and hurting the feelings of members in the XX tribe is not something I traffic in. However, another paragraph in this entry really got me thinking about my life in light of recent events:
“I’m terrible at this. Especially with the really nice guys, the guys that didn’t do anything wrong. These are normally the men that have been deemed the nice guys, or the good guys. You know, the type that is chivalrous, doesn’t try to make a move when you watch a movie while cuddling on the couch, who is sweet & respectful. These are the hardest guys to break up with because of the good guy factor. A lot of asshole dudes used to be good guys, who felt that they couldn’t “win” until they because an asshole. There’s a misguided assumption that all women like assholes, and some guys feel that they have to become one in order to get the woman they want.”
Confession: I believe that women like XY assholes. I’ve seen lots of occasions when nice ninjas take a back seat to guys with less than desirable dudes who act like they were raised by a pack of wild hyenas. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to sell myself short in order to land Princess Charming. If she doesn’t like me for me, then she’s not the one for me.
If there’s one thing that makes me sick, it’s the vomit inducing concept of entitlements when it comes to dating. There are people, in particular a lot of men, that feel like they’re entitled to the affections of a woman…just because (don’t ask me for a rational reason to irrational behavior). Being nice doesn’t mean you “deserve” a good woman or even that you’ll end up with a woman at all. As somebody who has had to listen to stories from my current significant other talk about the guys who threw a hissy fit when they found out she was off the market, I offer only two words:
Beat it. (Word to Michael Jackson).
I didn’t really start to ponder this until the tables were turned and women started acting as bad as the dudes. I actually lost somebody I considered to be a good friend recently when I took myself off the market. To be fair, said friend had some feelings for me, but “friend” actually means “friend” in my book—no matter what feelings lie beneath the surface. I’m under no obligation to remain single for the benefit of others at the detriment of myself. I’m under no obligation to put out when people come in town (REGARDLESS of our history) and I’m under no obligation to… well, you get the point.
The bottom line is simply this. No woman is entitled to my affections or my body. Change is one of the hardest things and while I understand that not getting “chose” can hurt, “friends” should celebrate your happiness not actively work to undermine it.
Love me or leave me alone.